I am here to learn and to grow as an entity/spirit/soul/mirage…a sentient accretion of matter that is but a blob of charged particles responding to varying forms of vibrations and fields exerted by other blobs of similar or dis-similar accretions of matter…for the time being one that is currently encased in a human shaped jar (thanx lousir)…I want to grow…I want to evolve…this human shaped jar can not be the end rather it must be the means to something far less annoying. I want something lighter/more fluid/less judgmental/less all-consuming…I am annoyed by needs like ‘eat’ ‘sleep’ ‘pee’…this jar feels heavy/cumbersome/demanding/jealous/tyrannical…I want to overthrow the present ruler in favor of a less demanding one.
My current ruler – perhaps in an attempt to remain in power, seems willing to make some concessions. Food is a big one that I have been given. I do not find it compelling to eat something merely because it tastes good (I’m pretty sure that a skilled chef could make a turd taste good.) I do not get any emotional reward from food. The rare craving is easily ignored. I mostly eat once per day and that better freakin be enough. I find this to be very liberating and a step toward becoming lighter. But goddammittt if I want to do what I want to do every day I have to eat. But at least some ground gained here – or at least I have a really good story about it going on in my brain and I will get the bill down the road. In true consumer fashion I will not eat now/will pay later at which time I’ll discover if I can afford it. Not eating beyond ones means and on layaway to boot…
My quest for dumping ballast means that I must fight the internal story of my ‘true nature’ as a human being. Forged from our birth the description of the universe that we acquire is initially molded by the humans that surround us. Unwittingly they lay the building blocks of our perceptions of what it means to be a person. Their view becomes ours. Our views are effectively a reflection of what we perceive as the collective/societal norms. We strive to fit into the pack in an acceptable manner. The pack can accommodate some degree of individuality but at the tipping point you may need to go find a new pack. You can have a cell in the hive, but don’t buzz too loudly out of sync with the colony…
Although I believe that our perception of individuality is but part of the grand illusion, I am presently unable to shed ‘the me’. I am presently stuck with the illusion of myself as an individual and think in terms of I/me but I (see) strongly suspect that a crosscut slice of human reality would reveal something along the lines of a flashlight pointed up at a piece of cardboard pierced by a myriad of holes punched in it. From the surface of the cardboard one would perceive a series of individual points of light, but the underside of the board would reveal a single light source.
In my quest to step outside of the pack and reach my own conclusions, as a high-school senior I began to consume hallucinogenic drugs and had experiences which significantly reformulated my early worldview. This led to a thirst for ‘new knowledge’ and I cultivated a hunger for books about a variety of spiritual beliefs/philosophies. That phase has been followed by a few years of immersion into the world of quantum mechanics. A surprise outcome has been the discovery of commonality between some Eastern philosophies and the science of the quantum. These parallels attract my attention. For me they create a pattern and my brain has an appetite for patterns. I find truth & beauty in symmetrical patterns. The quantum is a world of probabilities, possibilities, uncertainties, multi-dimensions, multi-verses, quarks, leptons, strings, particles, waves, fields, holographs, fractals…quantum foam…we are but a slurry of multiple possibilities happening simultaneously everywhere at once…by studying the quantum my description of the world has been irrevocably altered. The worldview that I would now offer in terms of molding a new human mind would accommodate endless possibilities limited only by the bounds of imagination…
In further pursuit of my growth I find the need to take measurements via observation. I need to know where I am in order to determine if I am on the way to where I want to be. Humans take measurements all the time, consciously or not. It is how we evolve/grow/learn…measurements when true measurements, allow us to view something external, form an opinion/idea about it, try it on for size and see if it fits. This can become dangerous territory as taking a measurement can easily blur into making a judgement about others and that is a very different thing. I strive to maintain awareness of this but often fail – it is much easier to judge your actions than mine.
I watch people as they walk through their day, as they shop, as they drive, as they work, as they play, as they argue, as they whisper, as they bond and cement their place in the pack. I watch an absurd amount of television and am baffled by the shows purported to be the most popular – wow, I am clearly not in that pack. My current favorites for measuring what pack I may or may not be in include watching episodes of the following shows. Doomsday Preppers…Finding Bigfoot…Ghost Hunters…Moonshiners…The Dead Zone…Any religious show…Any talk news show…Ancient Aliens…Through the Wormhole…How the Universe works…Any show with the word Housewives in it…Auction Hunters…My Big Redneck Vacation…blah
I strive to observe in the spirit of taking a measurement for myself to ponder what my pack might look like from the outside and also to recognize/honor that there are multiple packs consisting of multiple flavors of individuals who share some common things important to them and that in the end, they just have a different pack, not better or worse than mine, just different.
